Asexual: What It Means, Facts, Myths, and More

Written by Resurchify | Updated on: March 03, 2023

Asexual: What It Means, Facts, Myths, and More

Read this article to find out about asexuality.

What Is Asexuality?

Asexual people rarely or never feel sexual attraction. Simply put, sexual attraction is the desire to have sex with someone who you feel to be sexually alluring. People who identify as asexual, sometimes called "aces," typically don't feel sexually attracted to or desire to have intercourse with other people.

Being asexual might mean various things to various people. Some people might only find someone attractive in a select few circumstances. For instance, a demisexual person, who some claim fits under the asexual category, only feels sexual desire when there is a strong connection. Or, to put it another way, they might only find someone they are sexually attracted to during a committed romantic engagement.

Some people may choose a sexual connection even if they do not sense sexual attraction. Simply said, everyone's experience of being asexual is unique, and there is no one right way to be asexual.

Some people never feel any sort of sexual desire.

Even though they don't feel sexual attraction, asexual persons can get attracted to other things. In addition to sexual desire, you might also feel:

  • Romantic attraction: the desire for a love relationship with someone.
  • Aesthetic attraction: being attracted to someone because of their appearance is called.
  • Sensual or Physical attraction: wanting to hug, hold, or cuddle someone.
  • Spiritual attraction: wanting to be friends with someone is a.
  • Emotional attraction: wanting to feel a connection with someone emotionally.

Asexual people can experience all of these types of attraction in addition to a wide variety of others.

Information On Asexuality

Are you interested in learning what it means to be asexual? Here are the fundamentals.

Sexual Impulse And Desire Can Exist In Asexual People.

Libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction are not the same thing.

  • Libido. Libido, also called your "sex drive," is the desire to engage in sexual activity and enjoy and release oneself. It could resemble wanting to scratch an itch for some people.
  • Sexual desire. Having sex is desired, whether for recreation, a romantic relationship, childbearing, or another reason.
  • Sexual attraction. This entails wanting to have sex with someone who you feel is attractive on a sexual level.

Many non-asexual people have low libidos and may not be interested in having sex. Like homosexuals, many asexuals have libidos and may harbour sexual desires.

An asexual person may desire sex for a variety of reasons, including:

  • To fulfil their lust
  • To become pregnant
  • To please their partner
  • To enjoy the sexual act's bodily gratification
  • To express and accept love
  • For the sexual, sensual gratification of caressing and snuggling

Asexuality means different things to different individuals. Thus it's perfectly OK for some asexuals to have little to no sex drive or sexual desire.

Numerous Asexuals Yearn For And Engage In Romantic Relationships.

Although an asexual person may not feel sexual attraction, they might feel romantic attraction. An asexual person may get attracted romantically to individuals of the same gender, individuals of a different gender, or individuals of different genders. Numerous asexuals desire romantic relationships and engage in them. They may develop these romantic connections with other asexual people or with non-asexuals.

Asexual Individuals Can Share Intimate Sex With Partners.

Since sexual desire differs from sexual attraction, some aspies engage in sexual activity. Every asexual individual is unique. Some people may find sex repulsive, while others may view it casually or even like it.

The Spectrum Of Sexuality

Many individuals see the range of sexuality. Asexuality can also be a spectrum, with some individuals having no sexual desire while others have moderate amounts and intense levels. The sexual attraction is either seldom or of very low intensity in the case of graysexuals. Many people understand graysexuality as a liminal state existing between sexuality and asexuality, according to the Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN).

Romantic Attraction And Want And Sexual Attraction And Desire Are Not The Same.

Desiring a love relationship with someone is distinct from wanting sex with them. It's crucial to remember that sexual desire differs from romantic desire in the same way sexual attraction does. You can want sex without also wanting to be in a relationship, and vice versa.

Some People Favour Partnerships That Are Not Romantic.

Some asexual individuals aren't interested in romantic partnerships. Asexual people rarely or never feel sexual attraction, and aromantic people rarely or never feel romantic interest. Some asexual people are aromantic, although not all of them.

One term for nonromantic relationships is queerplatonic, which has its roots in the asexual and aromantic cultures. In AVEN's opinion, a queerplatonic relationship is extremely close. Despite the lack of passion, persons in a queerplatonic relationship are just as loyal as those in a romantic one. No matter one's sexual or romantic preferences, anyone can be in a queerplatonic relationship.

Some People Discover Their Ability To Be Attracted Or Want Changes With Time.

Many people think of their identity as being flexible. They might eventually believe they are asexual since they have little to no sexual interest. They may notice a change and have more frequent feelings of sexual attraction weeks or months later. Similarly, people may identify as heterosexual or bisexual before realising they are asexual. This does not imply that they were previously mistaken or unclear. Additionally, it doesn't mean that sexual preference is a "phase" or something you'll outgrow.

Your Ability To Attract People Is Not Fixed.

Some individuals discover that their attraction to others shifts over time. This is entirely wholesome. An asexual person's identity remains intact even if they once experienced sexual attraction. Your asexual identity is valid even if you had felt sexual attraction, but no longer do.

The same is true for those who no longer consider themselves asexual. It's possible to be asexual and discover afterwards that you frequently feel sexual attraction. This does not imply that you were genuinely asexual. Your orientation may have merely evolved.

Myths and False Beliefs

Let's dispel a few asexuality-related myths now.

It Refers To Abstinence Or Celibacy.

Many people mistakenly think that asexuality and celibacy, or abstinence are synonyms. Abstinence is the decision to refrain from having intercourse. Usually, this is just transitory. A person may decide against having sex:

  • Until they are wed.
  • During a challenging time in their lives
  • Celibacy is the decision to forego sexual activity and maybe marriage for an extended time. For religious, cultural, or personal reasons, many people choose to practice celibacy for the rest of their lives.

The fact that abstinence and celibacy are choices makes them distinct. Sexual apathy doesn't. Furthermore, those who choose celibacy or abstinence might undoubtedly feel sexual attraction. Asexual people may not even refrain from having sex at all.

It's A Medical Ailment.

Many individuals believe that asexual people are "wrong" in some way. Everyone in the world appears to be assumed to experience sexual attraction. So if an asexual person doesn't experience that same desire, they can be concerned that something is wrong with them. However, being asexual is neither a medical issue nor a problem that needs to be resolved.

Though it should go without saying, being asexual is not the same as:

  • Aversion to closeness
  • Decline in libido
  • Stifling of sexuality
  • Sexual repugnance
  • Improper sexual behaviour

Regardless of sexual orientation, anyone can develop one or more of these diseases.

It Only Occurs When A Person Is Unable To Discover The Ideal Spouse.

Some well-intentioned individuals might imagine that asexual individuals would experience sexual attraction when they meet the "proper" someone, but this is not how asexuality functions. Finding love or finding romance is not the issue. In actuality, many asexual people yearn for romantic relationships, and many asexual people have fulfilling relationships with other asexual people.

Sex and romance need not be mutually exclusive; vice versa.

The Effects Of Asexuality On Relationships

It is possible for a loving partnership if one person is asexual and the other isn't - provided there is open frequent communication. Not all that dissimilar from a healthy relationship in general, correct?

If you're asexual, you should discuss with your partner the sexual activities you're receptive to (if any) and any other sex-related boundaries you may have. Even if you and your partner want to be in a committed relationship, your partner may have stronger sex desires. Try an open relationship, where your spouse still feels emotionally connected to you even when they have other sexual partners.

The most crucial thing is that both couples openly communicate their wants and acknowledge that, despite the possibility that it may not, the sexual attraction might change over time. Therefore, assuming that an asexual partner suddenly feels sexual desire is usually not helpful.

Remember that frequent sex desires and a high sex drive are acceptable and healthy. Sometimes relationships just don't work out. Consider whether the relationship fits your requirements if your partner is asexual and unwilling to consider an open relationship even though they don't want to have sex (which is entirely valid, too).

Is There A Fundamental "cause"?

Asexuality has no underlying "cause," much as homosexuality or bisexuality. It is simply the way that person is. Asexuality is not inherited, the outcome of trauma, or the effect of any other factor. That being said, speaking with a kind, LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist might be helpful if you feel any suffering due to your orientation, are unsure of your orientation, or are wondering what your lack of sexual desire might indicate.

How Can I Tell If I Am Asexual?

There isn't a specific test you can take to determine if you're asexual or not, but you may examine your wants and see if they fit with typical asexual traits by asking yourself a few crucial questions.

Some issues to think about are:

  • What does arousal of the sexual imply to me?
  • Do I feel attracted to men or women?
  • What do I think about the idea of sex?
  • Do I believe that the only reason others expect me to be interested in sex is that they do?
  • Does sex matter to me?
  • Do I desire sex with attractive individuals when I see them?
  • How do I like receiving and giving love? Does sex play a role?

These questions have no precise answers, but they could help you think about your sexuality.

Educating Those Close To You About Asexuality

When you come to terms with your sexual orientation, you might be unsure how to explain it to the people in your life, especially if they do not necessarily know what the term "asexual" means. Start by pointing out that being asexual is an orientation, just like being gay, queer, or pansexual. Some people are attracted to persons of a particular gender, others are attracted to people of several genders, and others have no sexual attraction.

You can convince your loved ones that you won't be lonely because you can and do feel the need for friendship and other close relationships if they are concerned that being asexual means you will never have a romantic relationship.

Myths Debunked

Myth: Asexual individuals lack sexuality.

Truth: Like bisexuality, heterosexuality, and homosexuality, asexuality is considered sexuality. Because it is not the same as having no sexuality or sexual feelings, we can frequently describe it as having a sexual orientation where your sexuality isn't orientated somewhere. Everyone has hormones, including asexual folks. Asexual persons occasionally masturbate; some continue to have sex for various reasons and find happiness. Some asexual individuals are not sexually attracted to others but are romantically attracted to them. Since asexuality is a continuum, there are numerous ways in which someone can experience it.

Myth: Asexuality is a choice of lifestyle.

Truth: This misunderstanding stems from the belief that asexuality is a sexual preference rather than a legal sexual orientation. Asexuality and celibacy or abstinence are frequently mistaken because they can take similar forms. Celibacy is commonly used to refer to sexual abstinence in modern society, frequently for religious reasons. Certain asexuals may not be interested in engaging in sexual activity with others, but this is due to their orientation rather than their attitudes toward sexual behaviour. Celibacy is an option; asexuality is not.

Additionally, being asexual and being an incel is not the same thing. People don't choose to become asexual for other reasons than the lack of available sexual partners. Being in a "dry spell" is neither a condition nor a choice, any more than being gay or straight is. We are what we are, period.

Myth: Being asexual is a disease.

Truth: The idea that being asexual is a mental or physical condition is highly detrimental to asexual people and has resulted in inaccurate diagnoses, pointless medication, and conversion attempts. For instance, the DSM-5 includes diagnoses for asexuality associated with low or absent sexual desire, such as Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder and Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. However, HSDD patients are troubled by their lack of sexual drive, whereas asexual individuals are not. However, even the inclusion of HSDD as a diagnosis is debatable. According to some, people who are asexual may experience discomfort over their lack of sexual desire due to a lack of social acceptability. A lack of hormones, a syndrome, a medical condition, or a mental illness does not cause asexuality. Research has demonstrated this. We don't require treatment or fixing.

Myth: People who are asexual have anti-sex sentiments.

Truth: Some asexual people find the idea of having sex or even thinking about having sex oneself repulsive. That emotion, though, may not always apply to what other people are doing. One of the most alienating myths about asexual persons is that they are against others expressing their sexuality and can't stand having sex. As a result, asexual people are excluded from crucial conversations about sexuality. Positivity toward sex and asexuality are both very prevalent and perfectly possible.

Myth: Rarely any people who are asexual exist.

Truth: Do not be deceived by our underrepresentation and lack of visibility. There are many asexual persons in the world, but many of them aren't entirely out, and because of this lack of visibility, some are not even aware that there is a label for what they are going through. While there is a lack of study regarding the asexual population, it is believed that 1% of people identify as asexual. However, this estimate is based on studies in which the participants were likely aware of what asexuality was and were comfortable enough to identify it. There may be more asexuals than we are aware of, but even if we did makeup just 1% of the population, there would still be tens of millions of asexuals.

Myth: Simply put, asexual people haven't met the right one yet.

Truth: It is pretty odd the notion that asexual persons only need to find the "perfect person" who will awaken their sexual urge and "cure" their asexuality. You wouldn't explain a straight guy's attraction to women by saying he just "hadn't met the right man yet." Most people wouldn't claim they "hadn't met the right woman yet" to a gay man. It is a defence that asexuality seems to receive more often than other orientations. It implies that our sexuality reflects our personality and that no one we have ever met or seen has fulfilled our requirements. As a result, it is suggested that we haven't felt sexual desire to the point where the label "asexual" would be appropriate.

This presumption disregards and invalidates all the asexual individuals who have found the "appropriate" partner—the asexual individuals currently experiencing or have previously experienced joyful, fulfilling, and loving relationships. Because asexual persons can have connections of any kind, including romantic ones, how sexually attracted you are to someone should not determine whether or not a relationship is valid. This phrase also reinforces the idea that due to our innate traits or life experiences, asexual persons are "missing out" on something and haven't fully realised who we are. This is also untrue.

Myth: There's an asexual demographic

Truth: Although most people know very little about asexuality, they perceive what an asexual person is like. It is a preconception that they are uncool white kids who spend too much time on social media and are not likely attractive enough to find a partner for sex even if they wanted to. To avoid "giving confusing messages," they should tone down our attractiveness if they are sufficiently appealing. But there is no asexual fashion or appearance. Like any other sexual orientation, asexual people come of various ages, backgrounds, interests, looks, and experiences. Therefore, refrain from using the adjective "asexual" to denote someone you find to be sexually repulsive or as an insult because doing so just serves to reinforce this negative reputation.

Asexual people may nonetheless engage in sexual activity. After all, not everyone who identifies as sexual enjoys having sex. They simply do not feel sexual attraction, is all. You can have little or no sexual desire at all. You can choose how you want to describe your sexuality, orientation, and identity. Only you get to decide what being asexual means to you. Ultimately, you are always free to select the identifier or identifiers that are most comfortable for you. It is acceptable to choose not to identify with labels when describing yourself.

Although there are more open discussions about sex these days, there is still a lot of misunderstanding and ignorance that can support certain unfavourable viewpoints. And people should be aware of the sometimes misunderstood orientation known as asexuality, which refers to the absence of sexual attraction. Because it is frequently overlooked in discussions about sexual orientations, asexual author Julie Sondra Decker titled her 2015 book The Invisible Orientation. Many people still have misconceptions about or lack understanding of what it means to be an asexual, even though publications like Decker's have served to increase awareness of this subject.

We need to educate the people around us. They need to understand that an asexual person is as human as they are. They enjoy the company of people around them as much as any other person. They have the desire for love and relationships. Asexuality is not a mental condition or a disease. This is how they are, who they are. It might be difficult for people to come out as asexual since they are misunderstood and made to feel guilty. They are many times mentally and physically assaulted. They are frequently avoided. Let us educate ourselves and others on asexuality so that we can make this world a wonderful place for them.


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